The Perfect Red-- Maybe It Exists in a Galaxy Far, Far Away

As a woman, I like being pretty.

How's that for the most redundant sentence ever? In all seriousness though, what woman DOESN'T want to feel pretty? Make up, hair, clothes, fitness, health, all sorts of things go into making our appearance something we find pleasing.

Except the fitness part. Who the hell has time for that?



<---- That's right! Ain't NOBODY got time for that.




So moving on to what will inevitably become a rant: make up.


There are so many brands and whatnot that go with this scary realm. Drug store, designer, department store... And then you get to choose if you want mascara that elongates or thickens, or if you want a liquid or stick eyeliner, and if your lipstick needs a shimmer or matte finish. Again I say... ain't nobody got time for that. It's taken me years to discover my preferences and all I wear is foundation and powder on my face, eyeliner, mascara, and sometimes eyeshadow (albeit rarely) on my eyes, and lip gloss or lipstick on my lips. I don't bother with lip liner; I don't feel like I need to with my lips. And that's all I wear! No concealer, no primer, no blush, no bronzer, none o' that. I find it unnecessary and in some cases, unflattering. I try to keep it simple. Listing all the make up I wear here makes it seem excessive, but on the average day I use 3 tubes and 2 compacts... that's it.

But let's take this... frankly scary... world of make up and narrow it down... WAY down. To lip stick. Particularly, red lip stick.

For years, red lip stick has been a symbol of femininity, promiscuity, sophistication, and status. It's always popular, it's always in style, it's always fashionable, and it's a gorgeous, classic look. Just look at Taylor Swift, or any other celebrity on the red (there's that word again...) carpet. TSwift is the most recently popular woman I can think of to really display beautifully this iconic color, but there are others. So, how many times have you said "Dammit, I wish I could wear red lipstick," and some lady at the make up counter says "Oh, but EVERY woman can wear red! You just need to find your right shade, honey,"? About nine million and four times, am I right? And how many times have you found the perfect shade? Haha, I'm willing to bet ZERO.

So trying on every sample shade of red at the Nordstrom make up counter won't do, because after about 3 shades your lips will stain and you won't be able to accurately judge the color. Purchasing every shade of red lip stick at Walgreens from Maybelline isn't a wallet-friendly solution, either. Except I personally wouldn't buy Maybelline... I'm a Covergirl type of girl. Anyway, the internet has quizzes, essays, and guides on choosing the "perfect" shade of make up based on your skin tones, but by the time you get to the store you forget what the website said, get flustered, and buy your go-to every day color that you KNOW looks good. (Covergirl's Outlast lipstick in Pink Pearl or Coral Silk. Just saying. :))

Well, that's some bullshit right there. We want RED, ladies, not the same ol' same ol' go-to quick fix. I want me some vixen red lips!

I got this color by blending about 3 or
4 different products. Totally unrealistic
and way too time consuming!

In my determination to discover the "correct" shade of red, I decided to hit Google and see what I could dig up. Here goes. I learned I have pale to light skin, cool tones look best on me, and soft sheens look best (no matte, no high glossy look, and no glittery). Supposedly. So now I ask... how the BLAZES do I get a "red" lip stick if "cool" tones look best on me? Red is warm! Cool is... NOT RED. UGH!!

Back to square one: Google.

Search results stated such a think as "blue red" exists and is a red that will flatter women with cool skin tones. Okay, cool story. Umm... isn't blue red something we call purple? Didn't we learn that in Pre-K art class?

Further searching showed me that this mysterious misnomer of blue red IS actually more like a purple that is mostly red. Which makes absolutely zero sense at all.

But hey, whatevs. I can sacrifice $6 to buy a tube of lip stick in this bizarre blue red purple red WHATEVER color, and see if it actually works. Next time I'm at the grocery, or Wal-Mart... maybe I just will do that. I'll let you know how it goes.