Goodbye, Friend

Let me just start with an apology: I try real hard to not drop some "bad" swears in my blogs. I'll say crap, and damn, and hell, and sometimes shit or bitch if it's really necessary. But today, my pride is wounded, and I'm a little scared, and a little alone, and a little shocked, and dammit I'm gonna drop the F-bomb a few times  here. If that offends you... I'm just a little bit sorry. Just a little bit, because I've since warned you and you can choose to not read this if you so desire to not see that word.



In an effort to put down roots here in Fargo, I've tried making friends.... so far with very little success. I finally made friends with Friend, who I mentioned in a previous post. We met via Craigslist and after deciding she wasn't a creeper, we met up and had tons of fun. Fargo wasn't looking so awful, if I had a friend at my side!

Until she called me today.

I was sick in bed (thanks, Boyfriend, for sharing that cold.) and just laying there, awake, staring at the ceiling but too tired and feeling kinda weak to really do anything other than lay there pathetically. My phone rings, and it's my generic tone. See, either people I really really want to talk to or really really don't want to talk to get personalized rings. Everyone else just gets whatever generic polyphonic piece of crap came on my HTC. I think the ringer is called Light or New Day or Epiphany or some bullshit like that.

Anyway, this annoying tinkly melody fills my room and the screen lights up, which is about the equivalent to the light of a thousand suns because of how dark my room is. Blinded, I squinted at the screen. Oh, it's Friend! Better answer.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey girl *cough, sniffle*
Friend: Heya! Umm still sick I see?
Me: *grunt*
Friend: Yeahhh I hope you'll get better real soon. Before the week is out. Umm you're gonna hate me...
Me: Naw. I won't. If I can babysit your drunk ass, I'm not sure what else you can do to me. What's up pumpkin?
Friend: I'm moving.
Me: Oh cool, to Fargo?     (She lives two towns over.)
Friend: Cali.
Me: ...Eh? Cali?
Friend: Yeah! Los Angeles! Isn't it great? So like, are you looking for an apartment because if so, you can stay in mine. Otherwise I'll just keep paying the rent until the lease is up. Whatever, it's all good.
Me: WAIT WAIT WAIT. LOS ANGELES? When? How soon?
Friend: Oh. Saturday!

What the fuckity fuck?

Oh how I wish I could just pick up and move to the other end of the country when I wanted to. Oh, how I wish I had nothing holding me somewhere and I could just uproot and leave whenever the fancy tickled me. How I wish I didn't have the threat of insurance, or a car payment, or other bills over my head so I could just up and abandon my job and head off for parts unknown, consequences be damned.

I mean, I just did this! I just hauled from one end of the country to the other. And there is so much she probably isn't thinking about! Gas, food, lodging for starters. You can't make that trip in one day, I promise you. And it's cute how she wants to just pack up her car and go. Girl drives a Grand Am... you ain't fittin' any furniture in that thing. All that aside, once she gets there... Where's she gonna live? How's she gonna eat? She's not gonna have a bed, let alone an apartment or house to put said nonexistent bed in. And when you take all that into consideration, let's just look at L.A.'s economy... Um, unless you're an established celebrity or look like one... you don't have a snowballs chance in hell. L.A. is a city of the elite. That's not where you move if you want to build yourself a rags to riches story. If you wanna start with nothing and make it big, you go to New York or Atlanta or Chicago...

Ignoring the sheer stupidity of this situation for a moment, it takes some big balls to be able to do what she's doing. I partly admire her for that. I'm also partly grateful for the fact when all this comes crashing down, it won't be my mess to clean up. What if she doesn't find a job right away? What about when she realizes her rent will be well over a thousand dollars a month? What about when she realizes a gallon of milk is $4? And what about when she realizes minimum wage is still only $7 and change?

I wasn't very smart when I moved here. I had no job. However, I at least had two interviews set up, and several applications turned in. I had a place to live. And if I didn't get a job right away, I had a plan B. And if all this were to still fall apart at the seams, I could still go home, crawling, pride torn to shreds, to Mama.

So, after this week, I'll be back to square one. Alone, in this tiny little city, without a friendly face to look toward. Right in time for Christmas. Merry fuckin' Christmas to me.

Fuck.